Such has been the case the past couple of weeks as I have contemplated the struggle of random pain. Truth: I get so scared when I feel pain in a place I've never felt it before. Sometimes I get so used to pain in an area that I don't notice it so much. Like with the zinging down my spine, the shooting pains down my shoulder in to my arm and the stabbing pains in my lower back. Some pain you just have to learn to live with, and I get that, but some pain is a bit more scary. Like the crushing pain behind my eyes I will sometimes randomly get at work when I am sitting under florescent lights or at home when I close my eyes and try to go to sleep. What is the deal with that? Closing your eyes is supposed to relieve pain, not increase it. And that kind of pain scares the crap out of me because I know that some people with MS do lose their sight, whether a portion of it or all of it, temporarily or permanently.
Or how about a couple of weeks ago when I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and all of a sudden it felt like someone was sticking a long needle between my toes. I'd never felt that before. It was almost an hour before it subsided, and it seemed to only go away because Mike rubbed it out for me. That's a scary kind of pain.
Another pain that frightens me is shooting pains or temporary numbness down the right arm, because that arm is usually just fine. (Unlike my left that is partially numb all the time in the lower arm and hand, but then has shooting pain down the shoulder/upper arm area.)
The different, random pains I experience don't just irritate me because they are physically painful, but they can emotionally depress me or make me anxious too. Some days I feel confident I can get through the day with Ibuprofen, Tylenol and a Diet Coke. Other days I feel like I'm holding on desperately to the end of a rope and if I have to deal with just one more stupid symptom I'm going to lose it. Those are the days it's really hard not to lose hope. Truth: There are more days like that than I ever care to admit, and I'm still learning how to deal with them.
This morning though as I read through a few verses of scripture, determined to find some peace, it was like a few words jumped right out of the page at me: "Ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope..." Hope... that little word seems to prick me in the heart a bit right now. When they tell you there is no cure for something, it can be hard to have hope. But the words were a good reminder that I need to press forward, (pressing implying active pushing through difficulties and obstacles), with a positive attitude and faith in Christ. When I think about it, it is my faith in Christ that genuinely gets me through the harder days. Priesthood blessings, prayers, the simple knowledge that the Savior knows what I am going through because he has suffered in the same ways as me, (and in many, many more ways than I ever have or ever will suffer.) It is those kinds of things that help me to have the most hope.
Later this afternoon as I scrolled through my Pinterest feed, there it was again, that same word... hope. Another little reminder but this time with a different connotation that I have actually never seen before but which definitely is relevant to my current situation:
Or how about a couple of weeks ago when I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep and all of a sudden it felt like someone was sticking a long needle between my toes. I'd never felt that before. It was almost an hour before it subsided, and it seemed to only go away because Mike rubbed it out for me. That's a scary kind of pain.
Another pain that frightens me is shooting pains or temporary numbness down the right arm, because that arm is usually just fine. (Unlike my left that is partially numb all the time in the lower arm and hand, but then has shooting pain down the shoulder/upper arm area.)
The different, random pains I experience don't just irritate me because they are physically painful, but they can emotionally depress me or make me anxious too. Some days I feel confident I can get through the day with Ibuprofen, Tylenol and a Diet Coke. Other days I feel like I'm holding on desperately to the end of a rope and if I have to deal with just one more stupid symptom I'm going to lose it. Those are the days it's really hard not to lose hope. Truth: There are more days like that than I ever care to admit, and I'm still learning how to deal with them.
This morning though as I read through a few verses of scripture, determined to find some peace, it was like a few words jumped right out of the page at me: "Ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope..." Hope... that little word seems to prick me in the heart a bit right now. When they tell you there is no cure for something, it can be hard to have hope. But the words were a good reminder that I need to press forward, (pressing implying active pushing through difficulties and obstacles), with a positive attitude and faith in Christ. When I think about it, it is my faith in Christ that genuinely gets me through the harder days. Priesthood blessings, prayers, the simple knowledge that the Savior knows what I am going through because he has suffered in the same ways as me, (and in many, many more ways than I ever have or ever will suffer.) It is those kinds of things that help me to have the most hope.
Later this afternoon as I scrolled through my Pinterest feed, there it was again, that same word... hope. Another little reminder but this time with a different connotation that I have actually never seen before but which definitely is relevant to my current situation:
Glad for the little random reminders I get... I definitely needed them today
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