Birthday wishes...

For the past few months I have thought I was 43 turning 44.  It turns out I am 44 turning 45!  I only have one wish each year for my birthday and that is that I get to have dinner with Mike and the kids, usually at Rodizio, and that we get a family selfie.  They never disappoint.  I love these three so much. 

Adjusting for the holidays...

We did Thanksgiving a little differently this year.  Usually I host Thanksgiving at my house and Mum does Christmas, but the way I have been struggling with energy I wasn't sure if I could handle it.  It was a really tough decision for me, but I wanted to be able to enjoy the time with all the family and help with the cooking and I knew that hosting would probably tip me over a bit.  So when Mum offered to have Thanksgiving at her house, I took her up on it.  

It was an absolutely wonderful day.  I don't know what it is about their new home, but I love it.  It feels so warm and inviting... not that the other one didn't, but there is something special about this home that makes it feel different.  I'm not sure what it is.  Having Thanksgiving there was lovely.  We all helped bring food so mum didn't have to do ALL of the cooking.  I tried to be smart about my assignments and do as much as I could the night before so I had minimal to do on Thanksgiving.  Mike helped with a lot of the cooking this time too, which was sincerely appreciated. We actually ended up cooking a small turkey and mashed potatoes the night before for his Mom who was not going to be able to come to dinner since she had to work all day at Walmart.  (Shame on Walmart for making their employees work 9 hour shifts on Thanksgiving.)

Thanksgiving day I basically just had to assemble what I had prepped the night before and throw it in the oven.  Then off we went to Mum & Dad's.  It was great!  I really enjoyed spending the day with everyone.  There were lots of laughs. :)

We went to another MS event recently and learned about dealing with the Holidays.  They had some great tips.

• Ask someone else to host the holiday dinner if you don't feel up to it.  (I didn't even have to ask.  My mum offered months ago.)
• Accept help with errands, extra household chores and other responsibilities during this extra busy time of year.  (Mike is so wonderful at offering help with all the housework.  I've also learned to be more gracious and accepting of his moms help.  She lives with us and pitches in quite a bit to help out.)
• Shop for gifts from the convenience of your own home.  (Can we say amazon.com and walmart.com?!?!  
• Nap before the family gathering.  (Or sleep in is more what like what I do.)
• Lean on others to help with clean up duties.  (I leaned on my family to do our share of this big time this year.)

At the same event they spoke on depression and adjusting to the MS family dynamic.  I will be the first to admit that I have struggled with depression.  I have had it for years, but it has definitely been more of prominent the past year.  How grateful I am for lots of family support and love as well as good modern day meds that help to balance me out.  The thing I get most depressed about is what my family, (mostly Mike, but my kids and my parents too), have to deal with.  I don't want to be a burden, and I don't want them to not do things because I can't.  I don't want that quality of life for them.  I do struggle sometimes thinking about the future, but that thinking also motivates me to try harder.  And it ALWAYS helps to talk those thoughts through with a nurse or someone I trust.

The next month is going to be busy, but I'm looking forward to it.  The energy meds seem to be helping as I am no longer falling asleep at 7pm every night, ha ha.  I find that if I keep a calendar and plan things ahead it is much easier for me to keep up as I can adjust.  For example, if I know we have a bigger event, I can arrange to take the day after off of work or take a nap earlier to help me get through it.  I can simplify gift buying to conserve my energy for the family time.  I can simplify baking and meals.  It's all a juggling act, but so far so good. :)

The quest to be thankful...

Sometimes I get so focused on the things I am struggling with that I forget to count my blessings and be thankful.  November is the perfect time to try and reset that kind of outlook because there are reminders everywhere of my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving.  This month I decided I would try and think of something each day that I was thankful for to focus on.  Truthfully, I've been writing bits of this post all month!  Here are some of the things I am thankful for this year:

First, I am thankful for my sweet hubby.  He has to be the first thing I am thankful for because he has to deal with "crappy me" more than anyone else.  While I try very hard to paste a smile on my face even when things aren't going great, my hubby just lets me be me... He lets me cry, he lets me be angry, he lets me be fed up, he lets me say whatever I need to say, and then he just lets me snuggle up and cuddle and he loves me anyway.  I honestly do not know what I would do without him.  I'm sincerely grateful to have him through all the good and the bad, for time and all eternity... I definitely got the better end of that deal.

One of the things that scared me when I started reading about MS was the statistic on how many marriages suffer or end because of this horrible disease.  My darling hubby goes out of his way every day to try and make sure I know how much he loves me.  He runs the shower for me every morning so it's warm when I get out of bed.  He makes me breakfast and lunch while I'm getting ready and writes a cute note on a napkin which he places in the bag of food for me to find when I get to work.  He reads the scriptures to me at 5:45am while I'm running a curling iron through my hair and makes sure we have a prayer together before I leave.  I could go on and on about the things he does for me every day... how he does all the laundry and helps keep on top of the house.  How he calls and tells me he's grabbing dinner when he knows I've had a particularly stressful day.  How he gives me my shots so I don't have to do it myself and how he rubs out my legs and massages my back when my body is aching after it.  I am a very blessed woman and I know it.  He is the most amazing man and I am so thankful for him.

I am also thankful for these two blessings. We often wonder how two kids we raised the same ended up so different, but the more I thought about it today, the more I realized how many things they have in common. They both care deeply for people and take their relationships very seriously. They would both give you the coats off their backs if it came down to it. They both have the most amazing sense of humor and make us laugh. They both have their dad wrapped around their little fingers!! And they both are terrible at keeping their rooms clean and laundry put away. However, I have the most incredible amount of love in my heart for them and I’m so grateful for the joy they bring in to my life each day.

One of my favorite things is when they both happen to get home at the same time, (even if it's late at night), and they come in our bedroom and camp out at the bottom of our bed chatting to us.  The puppy usually comes in to and no matter how tired Mike and I are, we can't turn any of them away.  I treasure the moments like that.  It's when I am most reminded that the most important thing in my life is my family and that I want them to be mine for all eternity.  I can get through anything knowing that I have them.  I'm so thankful to have that amount of love.

“I, (Petra), having been born of goodly parents...” I am thankful for these two cute characters who are not only the best Mum and Dad, but are also Mike and I’s favorite people to hang out with. Whether it’s dinner or playing cards, the evening is always guaranteed to be filled with smiles, laughter and an Elvis singalong with Alexa.

The beginning of this year I was shocked to learn that my mum and dad were putting their beautiful home in Draper up for sale.  I had always thought that it would be their forever home, but they both "felt" it was time to move.  I was even more surprised when they started looking close to where we lived.  We were absolutely thrilled at the idea of having them closer to us, but as I listened to them talk about it, I honestly wasn't sure why they were making this change because I wasn't convinced they wanted to leave their current home.  They purchased an amazing home in Herriman around April of this year and as I watched the outpouring of love from their old ward as they prepared to move, I was still perplexed as to why they were coming to this side of the valley.  They seemed to be giving up so much.  

Then in June, while their new home was undergoing some renovations in preparation for them to move in, I received my MS diagnosis, and I finally, humbly understood.  My mum and dad have always been the kind of people to listen to the Lord and follow his spirit no matter if it is what they actually want to do or not.  I firmly believe that their promptings to sell their home and move over closer to us was the Lord blessing me in preparation for the things to come.  Having them move just around the corner from us and knowing that that amount of love and support is just 5 minutes away has been the biggest blessing to us this year. They are the best kind of people with the biggest hearts.

This little sweetheart is such a blessing to me.  Because of her, I'm never home alone.  This may not seem a big deal to a lot of people, but the times I am home alone can be some of my toughest times since they are the times when I have no distraction from my thoughts or my symptoms.  This little girl right here is very perceptive... I can't tell you how many times she comes and curls up right next to me on the bed or snuggles up and licks me to death when she can sense I'm struggling.  She gives so much unconditional love and always brings me back to a positive reality.

I would be very ungrateful if I did not share how thankful I am for my testimony and my faith in my Savior Jesus Christ.  At my most weak times, I have only to open my scriptures or fall to my knees to feel His love for me.  Sometimes I feel like I can literally feel His arms around me comforting me.  I am a physically and spiritually imperfect person... I make lots of mistakes, but I know He loves me anyway.  He loves all of us unconditionally, no matter what our current circumstances and His hand is outstretched always to embrace us.  He is the perfect example of pure love, and I am so thankful for the peace I feel through Him.

I am also truly grateful for modern day medicine and health care.  If I had been diagnosed 20 years ago, things might be a lot different for me, and the progression of this disease might be quite more substantial.  However, the strides they have made with medications and research these past 20 years have been significant.  I spoke to my nurse, Brandee, yesterday about my biggest fears, and she reminded me of this simple blessing.  I will have hurdles to overcome, but I'm getting amazing care and treatment and I feel very blessed for that.  I have a good job with brilliant health benefits too.

This year, despite this pretty major change in my life that I am still trying to figure out, I have a lot of positive things to focus on.  There truly are so many beautiful reasons to be...

Let's try this again...

I went to see Dr Banks for my check in last week.  I just love her and how willing she is to spend all the time with me that I need in order to make sure I have all my questions answered.  That is a rare thing in a doctor!

One of the things we discussed this time was the medication for my fatigue that I had tried in July which had made me so sick, (Amantadine).  She talked about how that kind of sickness was not a normal side affect of the medication and how it could have been the after affect of all the steroids I had taken that may have caused that to happen.  So really, it came down to the fact that I needed to give it another try... but I wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea.

I decided I would wait and try it on a Thursday because I got sick the second day last time and if I was going to give it a good shot, I would need to have the weekend to see if the sickness was going to pass if it did start up again.  (Being sick at work is definitely not fun.)

Well good news!  The medicine did NOT make me sick this time, which goes to show that sometimes it IS worth giving something another try.  Now I just need to give it a few months to see if there is any improvement in my energy levels.  I've not had any caffeine since I got back from Hawaii and I'm eating "cleaner," (very low carb), in hopes that all of these things will help decrease my levels of exhaustion so I can be a stronger wife and mom.  Here's hoping! :)

A much needed break...

We had been talking about going on a vacation in October since the beginning of the year, but weren't sure where we were going to go.  Last year Mike and I had decided we were going to celebrate our 25th anniversary this past summer in Hawaii, but so much has happened since then and all the medical issues, doctors appointments and new medications etc put a bit of a damper on that.  (We ended up just doing a weekend away at Park City.)

The thought of turning Hawaii in to a family vacation didn't really appeal to me at first because it was honestly something I wanted to do just the two of us, so about six weeks ago we started to plan a trip to San Francisco for the four of us.  There is lots Mike and I have always wanted to do and see there, so we were pretty excited with the idea, however, I couldn't bring myself to commit to anything for some reason.  I continued to double think it and the more I thought about it and talked about it with Mike, the more we both realized we just needed to get away to somewhere beautiful, NOT in the city, where we could just relax.

Four weeks ago we decided to look at plane tickets to Hawaii just to see what we would be looking at for our family of four and we found an incredible deal on airfare. ($460 round trip). We then immediately found an amazing 1150 sqft condominium for rent in a beautiful beach side resort that would give us and the kids their own space so we wouldn't be on top of each other the whole week.  After looking at all the beaches and waterfalls and seeing the weather was currently mid-high 70's, I was sold. We booked everything that night.

Last week was the most amazing family vacation week we have ever spent together. We got off to a bit of a rocky start when after sitting at SLC airport for over six hours, they finally cancelled our flight because of the fires in California.  Due to a wind shift, nothing was being allowed in or out of San Francisco, which is where our connection to Kauai was.  After spending half an hour on the phone with the airline fighting to try and get us on a flight before Sunday, (it was currently Thursday), they finally got us on a flight for the next morning but we would have to go to Dallas, then Los Angeles, then finally get to Kauai.  It definitely was not the ideal situation, but it was better than waiting three days to get out of Salt Lake.

Dee and Mike Sr didn't mind the detour in to Dallas at all.  Mike enjoyed true Texas BBQ in the airport,  and DeAnna spend an hour and $100 in the Dallas Cowboys Pro Shop.

Personally, the trip was extremely difficult for me.  The first two flights were not too bad, but by that last flight of almost 6 hours, my body was done... I was in quite a lot of pain and I was zinging and having trouble breathing... honestly, I thought I was just going to pass out on the plane... I don't know how I made it through the last couple of hours.  I literally wanted to kiss the ground when we got off of the plane.  It was about 8:30pm Hawaii time when we finally arrived, we had been traveling for what seemed like two days since we had been at the airport the whole day before too, and I was not feeling awesome, but the guy at the rental car company, Steve, was wonderful and reset our mood with his friendliness and happy spirit.  Isn't it amazing how one persons kindness can change your whole entire outlook?

We left the airport upgraded to a Black Jeep Wrangler... what a fun car to explore the island in.  We absolutely loved it!  We arrived at the Beach Resort shortly after and walked straight in to heaven.    After having made it through the initial hiccup, we were ready to enjoy paradise.

I can't say enough about the suite we rented through VRBO.  This was our first time going this route, and we were seriously impressed.  If you have never tried this, I highly recommend it after this trip.  Not only was the place spacious, air conditioned, (which is definitely not the norm in Hawaii), beautifully updated with two full master suites, a full kitchen, living room and dining areas in the suite and on the lanai, but the owners of the suite had also made sure we had everything we needed for the week... there was a washer and dryer with detergent, dishwasher tablets, pantry items like spices, foil, and baking supplies, a beach umbrella and chairs, beach towels, boogie boards, pool toys, a wii, board games, books... it was absolutely incredible.  The best place we have ever stayed by far.

The resort had a 2 acre pool with a lazy river, hot tubs and water slides.  It was right on the beach so we could walk out at any time to put our feet in the sand.  Three times we were lucky enough to see Monk Seals sleeping right on the beach which was pretty amazing.

The whole week was fun, relaxing and BEAUTIFUL!  Some of the most stunning landscape I have ever seen in my life.  Throughout the week we explored Hanalei Bay and walked the pier, we dropped in on the wet and dry caves, (Waikapalae cave and Maniniholo cave), where they filmed parts of Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides, we visited the Kilauea lighthouse (one of the best views on the island), at the wildlife refuge, we drove through the Kauai tree tunnel on Maliuhi Road, watched the surf spray several stories high at Spouting Horn, drove deep in to Waimea Canyon, the "Grand Canyon of the Pacific", stopped at every waterfall and valley lookout we could possibly find, and I think we visited every beach possible on the Island.  I have to say they were all amazingly picturesque, but our favorites were definitely Lumahai Beach, where they filmed the movie "South Pacific", and Poipu Beach down south.

The whole island was so vibrantly green with the most bright splashes of orange, purple, deep red, white and yellow flowers... just so magnificent to look at.  Then the complement of the blue skies and green & blue water with white clouds... I was in awe everywhere we drove.  It was breathtaking.

The highlight of the whole week for all of us was definitely the Smith Family Garden Luau.  We were greeted with shell lei's and jumped on a tram for a tour of their beautiful 30-acre garden.  We were served fun drinks in the open bar while they performed the Imu Ceremony, (pulling the Kalua pig wrapped in leaves out of the earthen imu oven.)  We enjoyed a feast of traditional Hawaiian flavors including kalua pork, beef teriyaki, chicken adobo, mahimahi, lomi salmon, fresh poi, hawaiian sweet potatoes, mac salad, namasu salad and the most amazing tropical fruit.  I didn't even know I liked papaya, but that was scrumptious!  I also tried guava and dragon fruit and of course enjoyed the sweetest pineapple I've ever tasted.  We ended the evening watching the Rhythm of Aloha Show, where they performed dances from Tahiti, the Phillipines, New Zealand, Samoa, Japan and Hawaii... and ended with the coolest Fire Dance performance.  It was the most incredible evening.  Our favorite experience the entire week.

We enjoyed some great food all through the week.  Yummy Mexican at Mariachas, the most incredible pancakes/waffles at Kountry Kitchen, delightful burritos at Da Crack, juicy burgers at Bubbas, and luscious coconut shrimp at the Shrimp Station to name a few.  We also quickly became addicted to shaved ice.  There is nothing like sitting under an umbrella on the beach enjoying a tropical shaved ice.  Dee told me there is a place in Utah that does these... I'll definitely be visiting! :)

I was blessed to have very few issues physically.  The weather was perfect to keep my symptoms at bay.  Because the week was so relaxing, I wasn't overly fatigued, and it got dark early, so we got to bed at reasonable times every day.  It was just so wonderful.  I'm so glad we were able to take the kids and enjoy such a memorable week together.  After the long year we have had with all my new health issues to figure out, it was definitely a much needed break for everyone... a week that we could just take a deep breath and enjoy life together.